More tranny stories later!
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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