sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
