Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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