I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
