I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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