I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
