Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
