I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
