Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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