Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
