kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
