I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
