i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
