I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
