evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize