while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
