I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
