I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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