hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Randomize
