I need help removing her.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
