Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
