I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
