You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
