That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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