I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
you win again, gameday.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
