So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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