He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
