I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
