Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Be still, my beating vagina.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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