So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
