I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
