Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
