if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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