Sry I called you an 8
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
