Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Cover your peen. We're going out.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
