I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
