16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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