I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
