Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Acid is not a monday night drug
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
