you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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