i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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