She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
