You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
did you just send me my own nude
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
