And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
