The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
