Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Sober January is a disaster.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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