I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize