I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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