Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
