i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
