Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
