Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
