PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
