i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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