she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
My Sexting was not on an AP level
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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