I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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