so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
