He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
