i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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