New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
