the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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