im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
she peed on how many people?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
