Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
