this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Randomize
