woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
