We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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