i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Randomize
