i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
